The Trouble With Tablets

Now, I have nothing against tablet PCs per se. In fact, if my budget were (considerably) bigger than it actually is, I could see several ways in which I'd quite happily use one. I object only to the fact that they cost as much as a proper computer but are less capable than a proper computer; the irritating touchscreen interface, which is never quite compatible with my hands, makes them unusable for more than video watching and maybe some casual browsing; typing on a touchscreen for anything more than a search query is impossible.

And yet, I'm filled with a sense of foreboding.

My grandfather was a lawyer; he worked with many clients including some who were quite high-profile for the time. He was actively practicing law until the day he died; he actually died at his office. And yet, he only barely learned to type. He could manage, sure. Difficultly. Awkwardly. With two fingers. The reason he found it so difficult to type was because when he was growing up and starting his career, the personal computer hadn't been invented yet. At that time, typing (on typewriters) was something that secretaries did for you; unless you were planning to become a secretary, you didn't need to learn how to type. And so, he never learned. Once the advent of the PC brought on the expectation that everyone be able to type, he was past the point at which learning new basic skills comes naturally.

I have the unpleasant feeling that typing on a touchscreen will be to my generation what typing was to his.

Tablet sales are exploding and even cannibalising the sales of netbooks, which tend to be cheaper and more capable. The major desktop operating systems are becoming increasingly tablet-like; Windows 8 will sport a touchscreen-friendly interface, with the conventional desktop hidden behind a preference box, Mac OS has become more like iOS with every release, and desktop Linux is still stagnant while its mobile counterpart (including Android) now runs on at least a plurality of mobile devices. It's clear that Microsoft and Apple are increasingly treating a proper computer as an accessory that needs to be compatible with your tablet rather than the other way around. As much as I hope tablets are a passing fad, every day there are more indications that they're here to stay.

And while keyboard accessories for tablets exist, they're awkward and defeat the purpose of a tablet— that it's extremely portable. No; tablets mean touchscreens.

And I saw an employee at an Apple store typing quite deftly on an iPad. Obviously, as an employee, he is required to make Apple's products look easy to use and I have no idea how much training was required before he could obtain that level of proficiency, or how long he could type like that, or to what extent he was selected for the position specifically because his hands were identical in size and proportion to those of the late Steve Jobs. But he could type on an iPad. Typing on an iPad is a thing that can be done.

And if I hold out against the tablet monstrosity until social necessity forces me to cave, it'll be too late for me to learn another basic skill easily. I'll end up like my grandfather; able to type awkwardly, with difficulty, because typing (as it's understood in that distant future day) just wasn't a skill you needed to learn when I was growing up and starting my career.

Unless you were planning to become an Apple store employee.

Vital stats:

Interface: Psychic
Date: 5 April 2012
Current Mood: Foreboding
Sleep Status: Hopeful
Word of the Day: Commune
Name: Host
Registration Identity: host
Species: Not Applicable
Realm: Vault
Casting Method: Daman
Casting Power: Environmental
Location: Omnipresent
Time: 5 Months, 1 Day since blog-start.
Casting: Local Transept 80401, Registry 229

Thank you and goodbye.

Bing Rewards

Apparently, Bing has a "rewards program" now. As in, if you search you can earn points and then redeem them for rewards.

Now, I've seen many variations on the "rewards for search" concept. There's Swagbucks, which is apparently owned by a rabbi. And it has myriad competitors like Zoombucks which is totally not just the same thing but with the serial numbers filed off for trademark reasons. I think even Publishers Clearing House has something along those lines. However, this is the first I've heard of one of the "big" search engines doing such a thing.

Microsoft probably still has aspirations of Bing taking on Google someday, and yet they've thrown it down with that lot. Now there's nothing actually wrong with being in that lot. In fact, those companies probably make a fair profit and their users probably get valuable rewards. But it's a different league of online entity; smaller, and perhaps even a bit of a niche market. For one of Google's peers to start offering rewards points like a little specialty company is extremely slutty indeed.

My Cocaine Rewards

This being the internet, I am absolutely baffled that "My Cocaine Rewards" is not a real thing. If it's not defictionalised at some point in the next whenever I bother to look again, I am so going to have to do it myself. Seriously.

Vital stats:

Impulse: Totally
Date: Today
Current Mood: Impulsive (that one was obvious)
Sleep Status: Pending
Word of the Day: Terrarium
Plants: 6
Animals: 2
Manchester United: 0
Ashes: Burned
Lovers: Spurned
Stocks: Up
Stipes: Down
Obscure References: 8
Blatant Lies: 1

Netflix Is A Slut

Language is fluid and constantly changing. With effort, any of us can coin a new word and see it adopted into the dictionary. Moreover, existing words change; in the 1890s, a "gay" marriage was an ideal husbands and wives hoped for; today, "gay" marriage is a fundamental human right that governments worldwide are slowly learning to respect. "Nunnery" doesn't mean nearly the same thing now as it did in one of Shakespeare's more well-known plays. And to my great annoyance, many people are redefining the word "literally" to mean "superlatively" or "extremely."

I, for one, am a firm believer in taking the words used by bigots as racist, sexist, or otherwise discriminatory slurs and redefining them in non-bigoted ways. The word I'm currently trying to redefine is "slut."

In particular, I have taken to using the word "slut" in the following manner:

slut [sluht]
noun
1. a company or organisation which, through its methods of advertising, conveys illegitimacy or desperation for customers.
2. a company or organisation which uses unusual methods of advertising normally associated with fraudulent or illegal activity.
Origin:
2009-2011 or whenever I made it up.

So, under my new definition, Netflix is a slut. They advertise in pop-up ads as if it were still 1996 (and they're probably the only legitimate company that does). They advertise using what I call "lead-gen" sites - typically referred to by their owners as "offerwalls" - where users are awarded virtual currency (such as Facebook credits) for clicking on special ads and signing up as per the advertiser's request; Trialpay is one such example but Netflix can be found with virtually all of them. They even send spammy emails to people who have closed their accounts, asking them to sign up again. Each one suggests that they're not legitimate (even if they are) and/or that they're desperate for any customers (especially bothering their exes). So, in my dictionary, Netflix is a slut.

Vital stats:

Post: Longish
Date: Today
Current Mood: Plodding
Sleep Status: Insufficient
Word of the Day: Slut
Season: Allergy
Interest: 0.5%
Dollar: £0.63
Russia: Big
Appointment: Tuesday
Score: Q-12
Angels: Floofy
Clerk: Efficient
Riches: I wish. :(

Little Things That BUG Me #3

People who say "empañadas" when they mean "empanadas."

Call them empanadas, samosas, dumplings, or calzones but none of the variations on the concept of stuff inside dough is spelled with an ñ.

I'm a moron.

I was watching a video just now. One line was spoken quietly (and I was eating loudilly), so I said "Hm?"

Instead of, you know, rewinding it because it's a video and he can't hear me.

Also, is it "loudilly" or "loudally?" It's a real pain remembering how to misspell correctly.

Youtube Video Suggestions

I just watched one of Stuart Ashen's videos on Youtube. For those unfamiliar with Stuart Ashen, he has a series of videos called "Terrible Old Games You Probably Never Heard Of" and also reviews electronic tat dolled up to look like popular items.

As I watched said video, I took a look at the sidebar containing ostensibly related videos that Youtube's algorithm decided I might be interested in watching next. Can you spot the one that doesn't belong?

(Well the image file got et, probably when I killed my Yahoo account. I'll try to get around to re-uploading it if I can find it, but basically it was a long list of Ashen's other videos with a single incongruous My Little Pony vid wedged in the middle. The title text for the image was: "I think my little sister used my computer once and now my Google profile is permanently contaminated with whatever she looked at." Also, the alt text, which is meant to appear when the image can't load but appears on mouseover instead of the title text in Internet Exploder said: "Apparently, My Little Pony is now in some way related to electronic tat. And if this appeared when you pointed your cursor at the image, then upgrade to Firefox you wally.")

I knew you could!