Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Apparently I Am A Primate

So I was in bed last night but sleep was not a thing which was forthcoming. (If it were that easy, I wouldn't include "sleep status" in the vital stats.) Being as a state of blissful dreamy unconsciousness was waylaid (having apparently fallen asleep en route to my bedroom and ended up in hospital after driving into a tree) I found myself doing... whatever. I'm not even sure. It's not easy to pass the time when you're barely coherent and should be asleep.

But pass the time I did, and in the process I somehow managed to do some weird scrunchy contortion thing. And while midtortion* I ended up looking at myself from an unusual perspective. Gaining this new perspective on my body made one revelation unmistakably clear: Yep, I'm a primate alright.

Why I'd even go so far as to say I'm probably an ape of some sort.

Now technically I already knew this was the case. I mean, everyone already knows where humans fit into the whole evolutionary tree thing. But even though we all know it, it's still weird to see it so suddenly when you weren't expecting to. Probably the whole bipedalism thing— your body is literally beneath you most of the time and doesn't bear much thinking about. Then something sort of forces you to take a look and you go: "Why am I, a human brain, stuck in an ape body? Oh wait, that's my body. Also technically it's all me and I should probably stop dismissing it as just a life support system for the real me upstairs."

Now it's right proper morning and the sun is singing and the birds are blooming and I still haven't slept a wink. I'll try again after lunch. My boss is surprisingly lenient about paying me to sleep on the job.

*Absidefinitely** a real word, mateys.

**Not actually a real word. I just made it up because it sounded cool.

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