Sleep Status: AYFKM

Having been up for over 24 hours, I finally went to bed and actually managed to fall asleep.

For two hours.

Then I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep.

I lay in bed in the dark for awhile to maybe hint to my brain that I was still bone-shatteringly exhausted and maybe I should remain unconscious until I was properly rested, but my brain advised me that this was unnecessary— it's the middle of the afternoon (despite the clock insisting it was 1 in the morning), and a two-hour nap should be more than sufficient to keep me coherent until bedtime despite the fact that "bedtime" only exists hypothetically.

So I've been up since then. And my serious post has been languishing in drafts still half-written waiting for me to be coherent enough to finish it.

Why Jasper Is Simultaneously Great And Terrible

I haven't slept and I will likely not be able to sleep. I asked my internal clock what time it was, and my internal clock said: "NaN" because it is just that brokened.

So instead of sleeping, I will post as to why Jasper is simultaneously great and terrible.

Reasons why Jasper is great:

1. It is quite charming.
2. It is very mountainous and scenic.
3. It has bears who are cute and cuddly.
4. Adjusted for population size, the food is amazing.
5. It is conveniently accessible by train.
6. It has a cable car.

Reasons why Jasper is terrible:

1. It is in Alberta. Alberta is not charming.
2. It is fucking cold in winter. Winter lasts from October to April.
3. Glomming bears is bad for your health and intactitude.
4. Everything is very expensive.
5. The trains are also very expensive.
6. I think it has a cable car. I didn't actually check. I was only there for two days, four years ago, and I couldn't sleep then either.

Apparently I Am A Primate

So I was in bed last night but sleep was not a thing which was forthcoming. (If it were that easy, I wouldn't include "sleep status" in the vital stats.) Being as a state of blissful dreamy unconsciousness was waylaid (having apparently fallen asleep en route to my bedroom and ended up in hospital after driving into a tree) I found myself doing... whatever. I'm not even sure. It's not easy to pass the time when you're barely coherent and should be asleep.

But pass the time I did, and in the process I somehow managed to do some weird scrunchy contortion thing. And while midtortion* I ended up looking at myself from an unusual perspective. Gaining this new perspective on my body made one revelation unmistakably clear: Yep, I'm a primate alright.

Why I'd even go so far as to say I'm probably an ape of some sort.

Now technically I already knew this was the case. I mean, everyone already knows where humans fit into the whole evolutionary tree thing. But even though we all know it, it's still weird to see it so suddenly when you weren't expecting to. Probably the whole bipedalism thing— your body is literally beneath you most of the time and doesn't bear much thinking about. Then something sort of forces you to take a look and you go: "Why am I, a human brain, stuck in an ape body? Oh wait, that's my body. Also technically it's all me and I should probably stop dismissing it as just a life support system for the real me upstairs."

Now it's right proper morning and the sun is singing and the birds are blooming and I still haven't slept a wink. I'll try again after lunch. My boss is surprisingly lenient about paying me to sleep on the job.

*Absidefinitely** a real word, mateys.

**Not actually a real word. I just made it up because it sounded cool.

Out Of Gas

The gas line in my flat has been shut off. Accordingly, I must eat cold foods.

I've got cute little sandwiches all arranged in a circle for immediate consumption. I would post a picture, but then I would be That Guy who takes pictures of his food. I already am, but there's no need to prove it.

Alas, with the inability to enhotten* anything, I am unable to make tea to accompany the sandwiches. Which is a pity, because my internal clock is telling me that it's teatime and has very little regard for what all the real clocks and/or the sun have to say on the subject.

*Totally a real word, guys.

Way Too Tired

I haven't gotten enough sleep and I'm way too tired as evidenced by:

The fact that I saw an odd flickery shadow and had to get up and chase the dog around to monitor the effects on said shadow, just to make sure I didn't have a vashta nerada infestation.